Over ten years ago, the most influential man in my life passed away at the age of 92. He had many of the qualities of what I referred to in my most recent post as a Whole Man. He might not have had all of them for the Divine Masculine is a thing that might never be completely reached by any of us on this mortal coil but he came close in many ways. He had his weaknesses; a fiery temper and a stubborn side as well but he loved deeply and despite an innate Welsh toughness, he was not afraid to cry.

Just over a year ago, my father in law died as well. He influenced me greatly in the relatively short time I knew him. He had his weaknesses but he loved deeply as well, and could be quite stubborn too but he also held qualities of that ideal...the Whole Man, that I strive to move towards with each step in my personal evolution.

I wrote a poem in honour of my father a decade ago and read it at his funeral service. I read it again last year at my father in law's Celebration of Life ceremony. It has, as you will see, a description of some of the qualities that make up the character of the Whole Man I spoke of. Here is that poem:

Role Model for a Man

Hunter, gatherer,protector and provider,
Instincts of  primeval man,
Yet History thinks we have evolved.
Look around outside this place,
Tell me if those thoughts are true.

Men doth hate their neighbours
They abuse their mates and harm their families,
They shout and kill their fellow man and try to rationalize their ways,
It leaves one with a bitter taste
And sours youthful hopes
But all one needs to restore that faith and remember why we're here
Is to think upon the life of one we all held dear.

Hunter, gatherer, protector and provider
A part of every manly man,
Yet such is only partly true,
Think of our wondrous father
And know that this is so;

Fathers must be hale and strong
They must protect and provide for all their family
They work and sweat and try and lead the way
And in the end the best will leave a hopeful legacy,
A memory of these things but also tears and joy,
Of stories and listening to your hopes and dreams
And being human just like you or I.

Hunter, gatherer, protector and provider
Yet a man who wielded love as well as hammer,
Who would always put his family first,
A role model for any other
Who wants truly to be a man.

-In Memory of my father, Gomer William Morgan Robinson-
February 20, 1912 - July 20, 2002

-And my Father in law Robert Brent Dorrington Kelly-
May 28,1946 – August 12,2012

Society and tradition teach those of the masculine persuasion that they should be the role model of a Real Man. We are taught to be strong and hard, Soldiers of the Mind and Body. We must not cry, we must be cruel in our love and rigid in our beliefs. We are taught that it is okay to care but not to show it. We are taught that it is not okay to hurt and certainly not to show it if we do.

There are many other stereotypes that we are taught; through upbringing, social interaction, media. They come from countless sources. It is my purpose in writing this blog, and others to follow, to challenge those beliefs. It is my purpose to show that true strength comes from not being a "Real" man but from being a Whole Man.I aim to demonstrate that the strength of a "Real" man alone is false, that it is brittle and damaging to a man's psyche and to his ability to sustain a relationship, specifically that of one with the opposite sex (which is another term I have issue with and will discuss at a later date in another blog). I aim to show that it is better to be a Warrior of the Heart than a Soldier of the Mind and Body but also that it is okay to have that within you as well but only as a small part of what makes up the entirety of who one is.

It is not my goal to denigrate or "rag" on those of you who choose to follow the "Real" man philosophy although there will be times that I do point out some of the negative aspects in being merely a "Real" man. My true purpose is to demonstrate the qualities involved in becoming what I call... a Whole Man. To me it is something I hope to one day achieve, this being a Whole Man. The steps I have made along this journey already have freed and liberated me, made me stronger than I had ever thought possible when I still traveled the road that I was told would result in me becoming "all that I can be".

Maybe I was a "Real" man back then, but I certainly wasn't all that I could be. I certainly wasn't capable of sustaining a relationship with an intelligent, beautiful and strong woman like the one I share my life with now. The Whole Man I am evolving into to has learned what is necessary to achieve such a powerful and empowering and lasting relationship.

A man must be tall and strong and unyielding like an oak at times but there are also times he must be supple and flexible like a willow. A willow's limbs can often survive a storm of circumstance that the harder wood of the oak cannot. There are times for men to be the strong silent type, like the oak, and times for us to be the willow, flexible and adaptable, singing the songs of nature as the wind whistles through our branches along the riverbank and in time with the rhythms of the flowing waters.

Yes, in the primordial depths of human existence, we were the hunter/gatherers. We needed to steel ourselves to face the beasts that could slay us with tooth and fang as well as sustain us but we were also born of the mothers, the nurturers and they are as much a part of us still as the hunters and the protectors. Biology agrees with that statement. We consist of X and Y chromosomes yet we are taught to accept only the one and not the other. So, if we are made of both the male and the female then would not the one who accepts both parts of their existence not be more than he who accepts only one.

I will end this, the first of my blogs, on this note. I am not a fighter but I am not a lover either;  I am a fighter and a lover, on my way to becoming a Whole Man, not just a Real Man...